Monday, August 30, 2010

Trip to Malacca-historical city of Malaysia

I must thank all of you for your encouraging comments that filled my heart with love. And I do remember that though there are obstacles and challenges, there are also the other side to it if I pay attention. Like friends who care and try their best to comfort and support me. I've come to understand how during times of crisis the precious-ness of friends whom I can trust and rely upon even more deeply during this phase of my life. And you who have been following my blog, I write for myself and I write for you, in writing and sharing my thoughts, vulnerabilities, snippets of my life, I am so glad that I have this space that I could share safely, and knowing that at the end of the day you all care.

All is well in my world.

Went to this charming historical town in the coutry call Malacca yesterday. Found this inside a restaurant, old typewriter. semi-torn non-functional lantern. A kind of forgotten beauty. Romantic and a little sad that time has left them behind.

Colourful transport, decorated wildly with an abundance of flowers. It's call a trishaw.Portugese settlement, facing the ocean. The popular straits of Malacca where traders used often during the British colonization times. Watching the sunset, releasing worries to the sea, friends, delicious Portugese food. Everything feels like it is going to be okay.
Love pictures of feet, it says (shared) adventure, journey, experience. Mine is the one in green pants. Bought the shoe there, love how ethnic it looks.

River cruise. History is painted on the buildings.
One of my best friend from university, Ayushna and her "borrowed joy" from the kid next table where we dine. The dog is heart-melting adorable-ness. Its fur felt like that of a cuddly teddy bear you would hang on to to give you a good night's sleep.

Ayushna and Li Yien tried the fish spa near the quay. Despite the "silent please" sign, both were giggling non-stop from the itchiness when the fish crowded in to "feed" on their feet. There's a theory that the more fish that comes for your feet, the more dead skin you have. I've tried it and it's super itchy though fun so I passed this time round.

I had a really great time catching up with friends and having fun. It's funny how like art, adults need to learn how to play. I am re-learning, hopefully I'll become rather masterful in the near future. I hope all of you took the time to recuperate, rest, explore, play.

Sending you lots of love..

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A lesson in Releasing and Surrendering

"When I loved myself enough,

I began leaving whatever wasn't healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits- any thing that kept me small. My judgements called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving."

Kim McMillen

I have been going through alot of changes and I am feeling a deep shift in me. I have not been blogging for a week now because I am feeling that I need all the rest I could get. I have been feeling. Vulnerability. Helplessness. Trying to find my ground and center.

I realized for too long I have been taking responsibilities for other people's burdens and trying to solve their problems. And things are showing up clearly to make me see that I need to know which are my responsibilities and which are other people's.

I am setting boundaries to that which is no longer healthy to me. Whether it is people whom I love dearly but who has been demanding too much of my energy and time. I am taking time out to take care of me. The part of me which is judgmental calls it selfish . But another part of me which is entirely made of pure love just think it is the most important thing to do now.

I am staying at a best friend's place. Just praying, meditating, journaling, meeting up with friends whose presence is comforting, who knows what I am going through and who just accepts that I am at this place now.

I am releasing and surrendering to God all that which I have not been able to let go. Learning the lesson that I cannot control everything, and trust that God will take care of everything else while I take care of myself.

Today I took a swim and with each inhale and exhale above and under water I said a positive affirmation. I asked for spiritual guidance, I bless my situations and all the people I know needed blessings and guidance.

While I cannot reveal too much about the obstacles because I am still feeling too vulnerable about sharing it in this space and I wish to protect the people who are involved, I asked (really, really with much gratitude) that you say a little prayer for me and my family.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

1st Art Display and Serendipitous meeting

The meditation and healing centre "The Golden Space" which I go often to go deeper into my spiritual self had its first anniversary last saturday. While most people had their booths to offer healing and therapy, I had a perpetual calling and whispers in my ears to exhibit my art. I heed it and display my art and it is the first art booth I've ever organized. My "virgin display" I called it.

I was in doubt, I was worried, I was anxious, I keep thinking "How would it turned out?", "Will people like my paintings?", "Will I feel out of place?", and worse "Will anyone buy anything at all?" These are the questions that haunt me. I decided that my mind is operating from fear and took the stance to let go of these doubts, and just surrender to whatever that will take place.

Turns out that I need not worry at all. Really, everything was smooth-sailing. Even though the sale was slow, yet I realized it is not about being there to make the money. I was there to celebrate the fact that I've come out as an artist, it was a safe space to introduce myself to people who are not necessary art collectors, but people who are interested in their own spiritual journey, who would understand why I paint. To make it even simpler, I was there to be who I am that I've not been acknowledging for the longest time-that I paint, that I am creative.

It was exhilirating, it was also scary, but it was a worthwhile experience. People think my namecard is pretty and they take it and keep it. There is someone who express interest after the art exhibition through email and I am quite over the moon happy. There is a woman who wants me to teach her child how to paint which is cute but which I gently rejected.

I'm happy, because even though I was unsure of the outcome, even though I was scared of rejection, I went ahead and was surprise at my courage and my willingness to take a step further, through decisions like these. More people know that I paint now. It is more official and I am loving the experience of being an "emerging" artist.

I invited Alison who blogs to the event. How Alison and I meet is a very magical story. I have been reading Jen Lemen's blog for as long as I read Kelly Rae's blog. Both of them are close friends in real life, and while Kelly Rae had her Flying Lessons the e-course which I signed up and enjoyed like crazy, Alison took Mondo Beyondo which was co-written by Jen Lemen. I didn't know what happened. I was blog hopping and found Alison and love her writing and her pictures and her life views. Two friends from America bought two strangers in Malaysia together. Ain't that strangely divine? And I also found out that we had a common friend who I used to paint for. This magical coincidences are mind-blowing!

Alison said we made a big round across the globe to make friends back in our homeland. The Universe does have a bizarre sense of humour.

Something in my heart tells me I have to invite Alison to the event. She was exactly as I imagined her to be, only better. In that petite frame of hers was so much gentleness and playfulness, she was sweet and joyous. And upon meeting me and showering me with her warm glow of smiles, she quickly went about taking pictures of my art. We had alot of fun getting to know one another and will meet soon for tea! Can't wait!

I stole these two photos from her blog. Do visit her to say hello.

Me looking serious in glue-ing jeweled studs on an art print.

The Golden Space, Kota Damansara.

Life is magical. I really can't stop acknowledging that. And thank you all of you readers who took the time and trouble to leave your comments on my blog to support and encourage me in my creative journey. I think all these has transformed into power that stays within me to make this art display an empowering and special one!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Owl on the prowl

The painting above was drawn with the intention to print on my business card. A girl with paintbrushes on her hands and the colours flowing out from it. The colours and the birds were inspired by the piece I painted for my sister as her birthday present. I fell in love with the style and tries to imitate it. I think this is a lesson for all artists, that plagiarism or imitation can never replace the authenticity of the original piece. Even if it is the artist herself imitating her own work (yikes!) I tried to follow the motifs of the plants and flowers and the positions of the birds, but it ended up losing the original innocence and spontaneity.

Even though I love the idea of the bird nest on her head, representing the birth of creativity perhaps, I decided not to use this artwork for my artist card because it didn't feel quite genuine. I think the background was rather cluttered (and I realized it probably has alot to do with my cluttered work+ living space and also, metal clutter). It was a tough decision to make in whether to let go or hold on. In the end, I chose authenticity.

I think I am my own harshest critic when it comes to my art. I'm learning to be kinder to myself. I am making it a conscious habit to say thank you and mean it when people tell me I paint well, and hush the inner critic that keeps pushing, "you think so? You can do better". A talent is God's gift to us and I think it is just too unkind to undermine our gifts and talents.

Notice that the girl in the first painting has very owl-like eyes. I have been seeing images of owls everywhere I go and I've read up about the meaning of owl that serve as my animal totem in this moment. According to, an Animal Totem is an important symbolic object used by a person to get in touch with specific qualities found within an animal which the person needs, connects with, or feels a deep affinity toward.

I was not painting her eyes with the intention to reflect that of the owl's, but somehow it came out this way. Was quite fascinated by the way her eyes seemed to hypnotize me when I look at her.

These beautiful earrings shout out to me and I've to get them. For me, the owl represents the feminine, the moon, the night.The owl is the bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom. It is immensely important to acknowledge this creative aspect as it ties so intimately with my femininity because creating is essentially a feminine quality. I learn to listen to my inner wisdom and trust my own instincts in following this creative journey, am learning to listen quietly to my inner voice and making decisions that are aligned with my heart.

Apart from this, I would love to share with you a wonderful artists whom I am continually amazed at because her creative energy is endless and going strong! She is so dedicated in her art and I just have to ask her how she sustain that passion and devotion! She is Regina, this is my question for her, "Hi Regina, you're so filled with creative energy and you create so often, how do you do that? Please share your secret with us in your blog? I love the passion filled desire in her eyes, and I love that you pose a question on the portrait and let your readers think 4 bit!"

Please read her insights as she share her wisdom in her blog!

I promise you'll heart her and her art!