Love's Pilgrimage-An Artful Dream Come True!

I am still feeling like this is really JUST a dream state- this wonderful dream come true of my first art exhibition with Alison is nothing but real! But I pinch my skin and it hurts, so it's indeed happening, and it's happening THIS coming Friday!

I have been so immersed in painting for the past 2 months preparing for this coming event that sometimes I forgot to be amazed by the fact that this is NO small thing for me! I have Jin designed the invitation card for me (above) and it turns out oozing with love vibes, as Alison claims it to be, and it does. THANK Q JIN!

I have to hold the cards with my bare hands and be striked by how real and amazing ALL these is! I have to sit back and breath and remind myself, "Eva, you're having your 1st art exhibition, this is BIG, this is after so many struggles and hardwork and prayers and hope!" And I'm truly proud of myself!And grateful. So so so deeply grateful.

Even at this moment of saying this my heart is overwhelmed with the strong waves of thankfulness that I am on the verge of tearing. I thought back at the journey that lead me to this point of life, I looked back and saw so vividly how each person, each opportunity, have pushed me to come to this stage. I believed in miracles, I do, I deeply believed that if you feel passionate about something and you work all the way towards achieving that, people and events run to serve you so you can have your dreams!

My parents who have been so cute as they become my most personal and trusted art critics, telling me if they think a piece feels undone or just beaming with pride and showering me with compliments whenever an artwork is done. My parents who have the patience with an artist-daughter who mess up the house with paint and who takes forever to clean up. My parents who have to put up with their child who quit the security of being a teacher and who instead chose the path less taken. I love you so deeply for being so supportive.

My precious friends in real life, kindred spirits of blogland who are always there to drop me a kind word about pursuing my passion and being on this journey!And for believing that I'm cut out to paint when I doubt myself! I'm forever and truly grateful.

And then there's the Universe who I know have been keeping an eye on me, guiding me through paths and leading me to walk through doors of opportunities, who sometimes really push all my buttons so I may be braver, surer, shinier and more powerful! It has not been easy but I am so grateful too, and greatly humbled on the way here!

Everything feels so right now. My artworks are ready for display. Alison is ready too. I have been hearing a voice telling me to invite her to join me for a joint exhibition and I'm so glad when she says YES to the invitation. It's such a blessing to find a kindred spirit who believe in similar things, and who paints too. Because both of us are at this phase in our lives where we are remembering to come back to LOVE everytime, we lovingly titled this maiden art launch of ours "Love's Pilgrimage". I paint of women, lovers, nature and animals alot this time to show we are ALL Interconnected. By Love. And almost all of my artworks have the moon in it, perhaps to signify a return to the feminine, the intuitive, the soft and vulnerable. And it is such a beautiful coincidence that the gallery is aptly named "Small Talk with the Moon".

Images of the gallery below. Such a quirky yet cozy little place.

I just feel like I'm embroiled in magic. Every loving thought is manifested into reality. I feel like a sorceress cloaked in modern clothes, and my paintbrush is my magic wand! I'm keeping the joy and feeling greatly enveloped in this love because I know it will bring me to even better places and even greater blessings.

And here's wishing that your dreams come true too, because you truly deserve anything your heart desires!

Souls Intertwined

I've been contemplating on love, how it is the only purpose of our lives at the end of the day. Each moment of living is the exchange of love, receiving and giving of love.

I read Georgianna Das's "The Goddess Within" and in one of her chapters on intimate relationships, she says

"We are surrounded by soul mates if we allow ourselves to connect to each person with innocence, truth, love and openness...

When we love it may not returned, but I believe, it comes back, with a higher force, from someone else, another lover or sometimes in the form of a blessing or even a miracle. And, you wondered sometimes, when good things happen in your life, what did you do to deserve it.

It was ALL because of the brave love you so freely gave, when you could have chosen not to. Because love is love, it never waits for love in return, it is devoid of all expectations."

If you're like me and everyone else, because we're essentially composed and strewn with the same divine stitch that is pure love, and you're not afraid to love and be loved, then you know love tears us apart, so that darkness and our shadows is revealed and if we dare, we will forever change and be transformed by light. Then you know that love wounds, hurts, make us longed for it yet make us also fearful, because in the face of love we have no choice but to be humbled by it, be vulnerable because it is a far greater force which is incomprehensible in the level of the ego-mind, to be completely engulfed by it yet remaining open. Because to be close off to love is lonely, alienates us from a beautiful experience. Love keeps us on our toes, makes the ground under us shake so we don't take things for granted, force us into awareness, to be aware of every moment of the shapes that love takes is to become that form, is to become love.

I used to think love is limited to the all-consuming affairs of the heart with a special someone. Of course that too is very important. The soulful connection of two person coming home to embrace one another's beauty, grace and greatness. To be in the presence of your soul mate is a terrifying yet fulfilling experience, it is beyond words. It is like being in the presence of an embodiment of divinity, of seeing glimpses of god in another person. To be able to see another soul in that perspective is to acknowledge that the same divinity and pieces of heaven dwells within us and to live from that space of wonder and appreciation and love for oneself and that special someone.

Love is a moment by moment awareness,

I see it in the joy of the jogger running along in the park with his dog, I see the loving gesture of the father who attempts to get the balloon by trying to jump high for his son, I see it in the gesture of my mom who tirelessly prepare delicious dinner even after a long day at work, I see it in the appreciation of friendships between women who trust one another because they care, I see it in the smile bestowed by a stranger, I see it in the gift of nature, given unconditionally in the form of the warm sun dancing on skin, in the miracle of baby birds born and learning to fly, rain fall to cleanse us off our worries and overthinking, in the magnitude of silence when night falls and the world goes to sleep.

Have you celebrate love today?

I wish you deep, deep love.

Art Journaling/Playing

So in Natasha "the Mad Cartwheeler" Reilly's workshop, she got us to write an old-fashioned self-introduction, so below this is what I've written. (But this is not the most exciting part yet) You can read about her here where she blogs.

My name's Eva and I'm from a faraway place in Southeast Asia call Malaysia where it's summer all year long. (I can almost hear wows from all of you hehe) I'm a self-taught artist who has been on this artful journey for 3 years nw. B4 I had the courage to pursue full-time painting, I worked as an English/creative writing/drama teacher and tutor in gender studies, and also a filmmaker in a women's organization. I'm also a certified art therapist and is working towards facilitating workshops soon. But right now working on my artpieces is most important to me as I'm holding my 1st art exhibition in this coming May! Yay! I'm also pursuing my masters in english literature in a local university, am working hard to complete it so I can focus entirely on art.I'm 27 years old and am single, my true love is painting at this moment and I'm devoting much time and effort to make my dreams come true! I've never been to USA but sure hope I save enough to fly there someday and attend workshops and meet inspiring artists-teachers-kindred spirits!

It's like a sort of compressed summary of labels about what I do previously. Very factual information. And then Natasha got us to rip those papers of and rewrite "Who I am" without the labels of our religion, work, nationality, sex, married status, definitions that put us into boxes rather than allow us the freedom to "be".

So below is what I rewrote what "I am" made of, and I had so much fun I almost manage a cartwheel.

I'm the gaze exchanged between two lovers,

where no conversation is needed, and silence says everything.

I'm the smile of a new-born baby,

full of innocence and ageless knowing,

I'm the wisdom of the owl's gaze,

I hold all the mysteries and wonders since the most ancient of times,

I'm the full moon on a cloudless night,

guiding lost souls home,

so they may rest their fatigued bodies, mind and spirit.

I'm the rich sweetness of a cup of hot chocolate,

filling the belly with a glorious lust for life.

I'm the strength of my mother's hand,

toiling hard so her children may be fed.

I'm the sunlight dancing on my father's torso,

when he washes his car, gently humming to himself,

lost in the dance of his own private moment.

I'm the warmth in the palms where my grandmother

held my hands to walk across the busy street

I'm the memory of my grandfather's pampering love

the way he carries me on his lap,

where I relish being his favourite grandchild,

I'm the songs that sings of the ocean's secret inside a seashell

that has travel across the sea

and come home to its mother's shore,

I'm all the intricate designs of fallen snowflakes

melted away on a palm of a stranger

who has glimpsed and appreciated my beauty

I'm the rhythmic beating of all hearts,

I'm the air, the invisible force connecting everyone's inhale and exhale,

I'm the breeze that misbehaves,

waving my unseen fingers to make tree leaves sway

I'm water to quench a traveler's thirst

I'm so much,

and I'm just beginning to understand.

I'm so vast,

and I've just starting to comprehend.

The writing has got me an "AHA" moment. I suspected that besides having superpowers in painting, I might have a buried and sleeping superpower that awaits to be awakened and the superpower is writing! tada~ especially poetry!

She got us to randomly picked out from amongst prompts and I chose "sensational" and "give". So in my art journal page I coloured my hands pink which meant I give love unconditionally and freely and I give gold which means invaluable goodness, whether through my intention to help, or to paint and touch hearts in sharing my art, whether it's to pick people up when they're down, or hugging/ gently soothing them.

And my journal page look like this. Quite "Zen" like. The papers of labels we made out of ourselves we ripped it and I sticked onto the page outside the palms and coloured over it with purple and turquoise to indicate I'll let the wind of the Universe blow away my false identity so I can be renewed and free!Even though I was working on these home alone, but I had so much fun and felt absolutely like I was back to my childhood, licking an ice-cream while I played with my colours. Just being fully immersed in the creative process and enjoying the moment of experiencing creating is so healing and make me feel so alive! I can't wait to start another's teacher workshop and sharing my progress with you all!

Beauty is soul-deep

I am so excited to be "playing" starting on April fool's day in the 21 Secrets-an art journal playground e-course where 21 superbly creative women will be sharing mixed media techniques, including my most favourited artists momma of all time- Tamora Lapote who blogs here. She is soulful, artistic, authentic, and just plain beautiful, in heart, mind and spirit. This is my second e-course to date since Kelly Rae's Taking Flight e-course and I'm so looking forward to it I wish I could fast forward time. If only I have superpowers...

Above are Tam's artwork and I love how she advocates the notion and importance of using art for healing ourselves. I myself believe so much in the inherent power for self-expression and self-discovery in art and I am deeply attracted to her art. I love her because not only does she advocate art for healing heart, her Willowing art network provides a space for creative souls like myself to showcase my works, connect with other women and getting in touch with them.

If you're an artist and you are interested do check out Willowing's art network at the top right corner of my sidebar.

I was contemplating about the intrinsic definition and value of beauty and what beauty means to me since eons ago. How women like myself is forever struggling to achieve some very elusive ideals standard of beauty to fit in, or to gain approval from this society. How I need to lose 10 more pounds, dye my hair this colour, wear dress with cuts that flatter my curves. It's great to accentuate your assets, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful because it's a very natural impulse of being human. Yet when physical beauty becomes the only obsession is when things get boring.

There are those pretty women who people steal looks when she enters into the walkway, of a restaurant, a pub, a party. But when she starts a conversation all she talks is about herself, and in being so Big she becomes small in her self-absorption. And her beauty is just skin deep, or actually, skin shallow.

And then there are women who are beautiful, women who love the way they look and make sure they give positive impression, women who are in touch with themselves and who takes care of themselves. Women who are pretty yet humble about it, who are not particularly self-conscious, who doesn't fret about looks so much, who doesn't think about themselves all the time, but who cares about people, who reaches out to touch hearts, and who serves. Instead of wanting and needing to be served or worshipped because they're born beautiful. They extend their hands out to connect authentically.

Their beauty has nothing much to do about having a to-die-for gorgeous face and figure, their beauty has everything to do with grace, and the capacity of love they are able to receive and return. I am lucky to know some beautiful women who are this genuine in heart and soul, some of them friends, some of them mentors, many of them just plain inspiration.

I will be lying to you if you think I am not trying hard to lose my excess weight in order to look good. I am always on some kind of diet. I am still not very happy about my body. I love being feminine and girly, I love trying out new shades of make up that flatters my skin and makes my eyes look larger. I want to be beautiful and feel beautiful. Yet I want to define beauty on my own terms. Beauty that is rooted in compassion, kindness, wisdom, humility, love.

I know some very beautiful women in real life. But in blogland and within the women artists' circle online, I see profound beauty in so many because you share your wisdom, your stories, your doubts and vulnerabilities. And I have so much gratitude for all of you because not only do you share your art, you also share your heart and you reach out to comfort and encourage kindred spirit like myself!So this is a real and heartfelt Thank You to all you beautiful souls out there!

Prayer for Natural Disasters

(3 rd piece of owl women of the series of 4)

I have been overwhelmed by the tragedy of tsunami that hit Japan last friday. My heart is very heavy when I think of the loss of loved ones and the simple comfort of having a bed to sleep in and the familiar walls of a house has been taken away with the waves. I cried when I read the news and when I think about it. And feel very helpless at how little I can do. And upset that I'm feeling so powerless.

So I can just pray. and invite God to come in to comfort the people who are affected, and the land which is deeply wounded, and my troubled mind and heart.

There are so many talks about the end of the world. Prophesies. Prediction of the year 2012. And everytime I hear about this I just keep quiet because I don't want to add on to the fear. People talk about how this is God's vengeance and punishment, but I secretly think it is we who are punishing ourselves with the image of a vengeful God. I believe in a loving God, a divine presence who witness our suffering and who wish for us to remember him and come home to him. By asking for his help, by surrendering to him and praying for a miracle.

Life is treating me really good. I have a request to give a talk on art therapy in Clove and Clive and thus also an opportunity to show my art, I have also been supported to facilitate a healing session along with a solo exhibition around May. I feel really loved. I have deep gratitude for all these wonderful miracles that keeps unfold once I decided to live my dream life!

I am deeply aware how lucky I am and seriously hope that things get better & easier for people and that natural disasters could stop happening. I used to get weary of reading newspapers or listening to news because I thought they are messengers of more bad news. I don't want to feed on the fear that media provides, so I read now to get the necessary information and leave the drama out. I wish I could avoid feeling and knowing so much but it is not wise to live in a safety bubble of ignorance and apathy.

As I realized how urgent and desperate circumstances are now, I hope that I could reach out to more people through art therapy and help them get empowered!

Jin wrote this prayer for natural disaster and I decided to share it, in critical times like this we need to lay our burdens on someone's shoulder, and let this someone be God. If you're not comfortable with the word God, you can replace it with Universe or divine love or whichever suits. I love the expression Goddess.

"Beloved Father, Mother, Everything God.

we ask that you enter deep into earth and us,

lift Us Up Dear God

to a level in our minds where healing and understanding is,

send us your angels dear god,

and keep us safe.

where there is suffering dear god,

comfort them,where there is pain,

heal them,

where there is hunger,

may they be fed.

let this prayer bring about deeper, healing,

ultimatelyteach us how to change.

and we know it is never too late,

for there is no time in heaven.

Miracles are instant.

We thank you for the resurrection.

And so it is."

These are difficult times. I really pray for all of you to be well and blessed and immersed in love.

On a much, much happier and brighter and lighter note, Alison who blogs here has asked me to write a guest post while she is holidaying in gorgeous scenic New Zealand. Enjoy!

Conscious Breathing, Conscious Living

(2nd artwork of the series of 4 of Owl Women)

A breathwork session with Jin has made me realized how the way I breathe is so intimately connected to the way I live.

During the session where I was breathing consciously, I noticed how I grasped for air and choke as I inhale. It shows how I tend to grasp at things. It's funny how life patterns are so immediately and apprently obvious just by noticing your breath. Before this, my breath is rather shallow and rush and short. And Jin told me that the breath doesn't go beyond my legs, which perhaps is a telltale sign how I always feel reluctant in taking actions, or is slow in executing my plans and feel like results take forever to arrive.

I am loving this new practice now, breathing consciously. Whenever I am stressed I immediately returns to my breathing, absolutely enjoying the way fresh air rushing into my lungs and enjoying releasing whatever my body holds on to through exhaling; whether it is toxic thoughts or negative emotions.

It is so simple, yet I am sure many people overlook this destressing technique. Of simply coming back to being aware of their breathing. And letting the worries, the anxiety, the bother and chaotic chatter of the mind falls away.

A dear friend shared her wisdom in her blog saying how "Every breath truly counts." Indeed.

Things has been pretty quiet yet busy for me as I hide in the cave of my hermit shell working away on artworks. It was a very good distraction from the routine last saturday when I visited darling art and craft maker Alison who had a booth at the handmade market at Empire Subang.

Can I please state the obvious that her display is very, very chic, clean yet lovely and warm. I love how she painted the branches white and use this gift of nature to hang angels. So so so creative! I love one of her rock painting that says "LOVE ROCKS!" Awesome & clever play of words! and the rock animals are just uber cute! I got an elephant and a "love rocks" rock!

I am looking a little blur because I was decluttering the whole day and woke up from a long late afternoon nap and went straightaway to see Alison. I am so so so proud of her coming out to sell her crafts! It is one thing to paint and create things and an entire different thing altogether to brave the crowd and sell to potential customers! I am kicking my own bum to work things a little quicker. Hopefully, in a month's time I'll set up my Etsy account. I've so much to learn, so much to do, so much to experience and so so much to experiment!

Thank you for being an inspiration Alison!Love to hear that I help lift your spirit in coming to visit you! Your art makes me smile too! They reflect your adorable-ness!

Loving What Is

(New artwork for my 1st exhibition: 1 of the 4 in the owl woman series)

I had a breakthrough in realizations last week. I was shown repeatedly by events that I am such a control freak, and am so so bad at letting go. I spent the the last few days decluttering and was shocked that I kept so many academic papers, from university days because I thought I'm going to use them in the near future! I gave away tapes, TAPES!!! Whoever play tapes in the 21st century? I'm such a hopeless hoarder! Sometimes I have a feeling if I declutter more I will start losing weight too! We will see. (big smile) I gave away books, deleted files from my computer, and felt this space of expansion filling me so that I'm empty to be filled with new, creative things! I felt I could breathe deeper and have more clarity now that I have "feng-shui" my space to be more spacious and clutter-free!

I had been having this great urge to be in nature for a while so I did that few days ago, took my journal and went to a garden nearby during the afternoon. Pour out my heart and soul onto the empty brown pages, surrounded by trees, falling leaves, a huge pond and deep, sacred silence and quality quietness. I should have done this earlier, being near nature to rejuvenate the tiresome feeling of being overwhelmed by the city, noise, chaos, traffic and people's endless chatter. I had been postponing this what I called "soul-date" with myself, enjoyed the day really well until it started to rain! I thought how silly that I was actually happy to be stranded in the rain, enjoying the unpredictability of the weather's arrangement.

I am learning the great lesson of "Loving What is". Although I am very forgiving and easy with my past but when it comes to the future I want to know and plan my way ahead to EVERY single detail. And it's impossible but my mind clings on to an idea, an outcome, the urge to know the solution. It's horrible, this wanting to KNOW, because it leaves me no peace.

To know which artwork will sell, how many will sell, who will buy. It permeates through other crevices in my life. Relationships. career. Family. This wanting to KNOW. And then after all the noise and drama in my head I just felt like a deflated balloon, nothing left inside me but more confusion. I am still learning the difficult lesson of Living in the moment, Loving what is shown in front of me Right Here, Right Now, and NOT whining about it, wishing for a different reality, fantasizing about being someone else, living other life but this.

I just need to open my palms, not hold on too tight to imaginary things. To trust in the ultimate intelligence of a knowing Universe. Sometimes I am so in need to control I forgot there's a god, and thought I could be one. It's crazy to want everything my way when I really don't know what's best for me.

So, I'm learning to be okay with not knowing. To say "I don't know" when I have no solutions to a problem, to admit my limitations to events beyond my control. It's hard work.

I am working on a series of "Owl/Wild Women" and so far have done two. I didn't take a direct picture of the artwork because they were supposed to not be out in public b4 the exhibition (end of March)! But I couldn't resist, was really hoping to share what I've been up to after the long absence of showing my creative labour on my blog.