A lesson in Releasing and Surrendering

"When I loved myself enough,

I began leaving whatever wasn't healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits- any thing that kept me small. My judgements called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving."

Kim McMillen

I have been going through alot of changes and I am feeling a deep shift in me. I have not been blogging for a week now because I am feeling that I need all the rest I could get. I have been feeling. Vulnerability. Helplessness. Trying to find my ground and center.

I realized for too long I have been taking responsibilities for other people's burdens and trying to solve their problems. And things are showing up clearly to make me see that I need to know which are my responsibilities and which are other people's.

I am setting boundaries to that which is no longer healthy to me. Whether it is people whom I love dearly but who has been demanding too much of my energy and time. I am taking time out to take care of me. The part of me which is judgmental calls it selfish . But another part of me which is entirely made of pure love just think it is the most important thing to do now.

I am staying at a best friend's place. Just praying, meditating, journaling, meeting up with friends whose presence is comforting, who knows what I am going through and who just accepts that I am at this place now.

I am releasing and surrendering to God all that which I have not been able to let go. Learning the lesson that I cannot control everything, and trust that God will take care of everything else while I take care of myself.

Today I took a swim and with each inhale and exhale above and under water I said a positive affirmation. I asked for spiritual guidance, I bless my situations and all the people I know needed blessings and guidance.

While I cannot reveal too much about the obstacles because I am still feeling too vulnerable about sharing it in this space and I wish to protect the people who are involved, I asked (really, really with much gratitude) that you say a little prayer for me and my family.