Art and Angels

Last Sunday I attended a soft pastel class conducted by a bubbly Japanese lady who's married to Malaysia, it was my last minute decision to sign up because I was worried I couldn't finish my Masters assignments. But my heart says "go, go, go!" and I have to listen to the insistent voice. Turns out that not only it was insanely fun and inspiring, I also had a creative de-stress session while I plunge my head, heart and soul into painting with soft pastel. I've never attempted that medium so was delightful to find that it's effects are dreamy and surreal.


The teacher, Yoshie (bottom right), sharing about soft pastel art while us students listen on intently. I was running around like a restless child taking pictures!

Her works, colourful manadalas. If you're familiar with Carl Jung, a psychotherapist, he says mandalas are the doorway to understanding about your SELF. I think my teacher's SELF is beaming with gorgeous-ness the way the picture is drawn here.

Adults "heart" at work, it's cute to see grown-ups (especially men) concentrating on creative expression. There's something inherently healing about making art in the presence of others, and sharing what the art and creative process means to you in a group.

I picked a card that says "beloved One" and this is my attempt to portray the kind of soul-mate relationship I envision to have and experience. Very lovey-dovey and loaded with sweetness I know. *Blush. Also, I wish for the spaciousness and growth in it too.

Me "heart" at work, drawing my own pairs of wings to get me fly high and soar! Everything you see on paper is drawn by our dainty fingers. It's a very gentle and patient approach to art I felt. If you're the impatient sort of person this really helps train you to be present in the moment and not rush the process. Anyway the process is as much rewarding as the end product. Or more.

Another student's art, she's way way too brilliant and artistic. I love the beauty that each piece of her art conveys. Speechless is a term I would use to explain my response as I savour her work.

Some of our works, proudly displayed on the wall.

I'd so much fun I couldn't stop savouring everything about the day. Art has this magical touch of uplifting your spirit and moods, and help you gain an alternative perspective if you're feeling stucked and dry. It's a reminder of the beauty you're capable of expressing, and the joy of being a creator. My next mission-get meself a box of soft pastel and start making a dreamy, happy mess!

Creative Souls Blossoming

I spent the whole day today coaching a spirited social worker that works with high-risk street kids, drug users to learn alternative art therapy so she could incorporate in her work. I felt an urge to conduct the class in nature, surrounded by trees and fresh air, away from the confinements of four walls. So we ended up in the park, our paintbrush, colours, paper all make a happy mess on the table under the shaddy tree. And I'd so much fun coaching especially when new ideas flow into my moment of inspiration when I least expected it!

Kat is lovely, she's a really curioys and enthusiastic student, and I know that fun for her is so crucial (a priority actually!) so I tried to coax her to paint using mediums other than paintbrush and crayons. She love finger painting- this is her in the process of painting her life purpose with her fingers! her favourite activity of all!

Love the bamboo tree behind her. The painter is fully engaged in her creative process!


(Below) A message from her wise self, a creative poet making poetry! Using old fashioned ink dipped pen and writing in cursive letters really channels an old-soul kind of wisdom! hehe

(Below) Kat's divine soul portrait.


Awareness exercise. I asked her to take pictures of things in the park that represents who she is. This aims to expand one's awareness. And Kat was absolutely ecstatic to be wandering around the park with my pink camera taking snapshots of pieces of beauty that we might not noticed if we didn't pay attention.

She's very observant. She shares her insight that the dead and dying leaves are nourishing the new baby plants. Life/Death/Life is always a very present cycle.

Someone's junk. But perhaps it was there to remind a passerby to pray for Japan. And to keep praying. I felt a solemn need to say a prayer when I see this.

(Below) Appreciating little beauties. With the touch of her hands perhaps the flowers could blossom even more vividly.

Eggs. Hidden from human eyes new life awaiting...

Even as the teacher my student teach and reminds me to walk free, as she paint with orange glee the message that her body needs. She's really free-spirited, and with a heart of gold, it shows in her love for her work with the marginalized community, even if the work is tiring, but she's still so passionate about serving a purpose. Her love for life and people, and her simple philosophy and wisdom that precedes her age humbles me.

It's wonderful after a day like this, I'd come home with a tired body, but my heart and spirit uplifted and inspired because I deeply love the nature of my work and the fulfillment it brings. Both of us, nature-lovers, creative spirits, big dreamers, had so much fun teaching and learning about the healing prowess of art. Who's the teacher? Who's the student? The line considerably blurred. I hope to keep doing this soul work, making this soul art. More people need to know the benefits of art, and learn the magic it promises.

Sacred Marriage

The real thing and the shadows, both complemented each other in a beautiful union.

I've been contemplating about dualities, and how most of our sufferings are stemmed by it, revolves around it, and can be healed by resolving it.

We give meanings to things, and when we perceive something as positive and another as negative, we reject the negative and want it disappear, gone, vanish. And when we perceive something as positive, we tend to want it, desire it, demand it.

We suffer when we don't get the +ve, we suffer when we get the -ve.

But most of all, we suffer because our reality is divided into this either-or dichotomy.

For example,

In my mind,

I appreciate my depth of being, and think shallowness is such a shame. So I judge someone else as shallow when he or she is not as deep as I wish them to be. It's my bimbotic self that I've rejected. But in all honesty, being constantly in the deep is like diving underwater, I'm no mermaid, so I felt suffocated if I remain there too long. It feels good once in a while to come up to breath air, and clear my head space, and it's ok to be silly and poke fun at myself and things. I have accepted that while I'm philosophical and I always dig deep for meanings, there's a part of me that's sheer nonsensical.

Also,

In the past, before I've come to self-empowerment, there are so many times when I've looked for others so that I could transfer my powers to them. Mr. Perfect used to be so intelligent and so brilliant in his studies and mouth-crackingly funny. No faults, just pure awesomeness. In comparison, my own light is dimmed. I'm not enough. Not brilliant enough, not funny enough, not beautiful enough. It's as if you're wearing a power-transfer lense in replacement of the wisdom of your soul-eyes. Either he is perfect or you are imperfect.

But when I've learn that true empowerment comes from within, the lenses broke into pieces.

Mr Perfect is just half divine, half human. Half human now because you see that while he's funny, he might be using humor or words to cover other insecurities. While he's brilliant, he can also bask too much in the glory of his mind to be down to earth. Half divine because you acknowledge that this person has so much potential and so much beauty, even in his flaws and imperfections, scars and wounds. You see that if he gets down to business to heal his shadows, his gifts emerge and he'll be awaken to be a powerful and compassionate human being.

Can a man only be strong or vulnerable? Can a man be both? Will you appreciate or trust someone who only has one side of that, either fully strong or fully vulnerable?

I'll appreciate someone who is both strong and vulnerable, because that's balanced..

I'm saddened when I heard men tell me that it's a men's world, and you've to fight to stay in the battlefield. You've to put up a tough front, survival skills, be macho. And you know these men are bitter and angry because they aren't allowed to experience their vulnerability.

Can you understand why this world is so tired, so stressed, so unhappy? Because we're coerced and manipulated to think we can only choose to be one side of the coin.

So all you can do is to love him. love the differences. Love you, Love yourself. Because whatever shadows he has you have too. All the people have them. And I have them too.

I'm my shadows and my gifts.

So what heals the dichotomies, the binaries, the dualities?

In healing that split in the mind, to love both and to appreciate both and see them as one, one cannot exist without the other. The union and acceptance of the opposites is what heals.

I'm craziness and sanity.

I'm devilish and angelic.

I'm childish and mature.

I'm foolish and wise.

I'm selfish and selfless.

I'm dirty-minded and pure.

I'm narrow and open.

I'm my body and my mind.

I'm soulless and soulful.

I'm full and empty. The lists goes on... and on.

I'm all the above and none of the above.

The union and marriage of the opposites lift the burden of separation in my heart. When I married all my inner opposites, I no longer battle them and peace persists. Perhaps if the world heal the illusions of separation, there'll no longer be battle of the sexes, or religious wars, or warring of any kind.

No more me vs you.

Just a reconnection.

Of Me=you. One= All. All= One.

Do little things with great love

"God does not command that we do great things, only little things with great love."
-Mother Theresa


(A love-shaped leaf from a hanging plant outside the patio yesterday evening)

This quote by Mother Theresa strikes me. I am a giant thinker. Big dreamer. But sometimes I fall back a few steps when it comes to Doing. Perhaps the dream seems so BIG that I was afraid and lost to how I'm suppose 2 go about it to make it come true. Perhaps I was so preoccupied with the end result that I lost the enjoyment of the PROCESS. Or that I've this habit of living in the future, dreaming of great things I could achieve. While it's wonderful to be optimistic, I've to remind myself to come back once in a while to earth. The present is the gift isn't it?

I look at life from such a BIG picture that at times I miss the beauty of small things. And I'm beginning to take notice.

Nature grounds me. Little things are precious too. I realized now more and more.

Do little things with love, for me now it includes eating to fill my body with love, blogging with love, doing house errands with love, even if just breathing, also done with love, the tiniest thing we most often overlooked. It's not that easy because I get lost in my mind so quickly.

Life has been a little quiet a while ago. While my monkey mind complains and demands for some action and drama, my inner circus trainer tries to tempt it to obedience by training it to observe little signs of beauty and wisdom everywhere. Being a work-from-home creative girl does have its down side, it can get pretty quiet at times. Unlike the office ambience where there's colleagues around to chit chat and hang around to reduce boredom, the work-alone creative girl is basically her own muse, friend, boss, disciplinarian, servant, counselor and agony aunt. It can get a little daunting to some extent, to play so many roles especially when it pertains to one's livelihood.

While mastery of a craft usually means that one has to spend alot of time alone, it's really important to balance this part of life with recharging with friends and families. I used to be jealously guarded about my me-time, but now I appreciate getting to know people especially when it concerns their interest in living their creative dreams. It's a good shift, this focus centering in self to people.

Painting allows me the space and time to be alone, engaged in my creative process.

Teaching art therapy allows me the space and time to connect with others, on a very soulful level and creative sharing expands my horizons. Both works fulfill me in very different ways. But both makes me happy.

If I were to stick to only one I'll go crazy in its one-sidedness. I'm grateful that I've the balance of both. Am having lots of work piling up and loving the momentum. I love having the freedom to decide when, where and who I work with. I'm keeping a grateful heart and feeling the fullness of abundance bestowed to me in my heart.

Do you know the trick to manifesting what you desire most?

One of it is, when you wish for something whole-heartedly, you take the necessary action to fulfill it, but you need to let go of the outcome, so that your contribution is half, and the rest of the half the Universe will provide. Sometimes in ways un-imaginable. Most times just plain miracle. Heard of the saying when you take a step towards your dreams, your dream take a hundred steps towards you?

It's true.

Natural Beauty

"You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,

Love like you'll never be hurt,

Sing like there's nobody listening,

And live like it's heaven on earth." — William W. Purkey

A commissioned artwork by a mother for her two ballerina daughters. It feels wonderful and such a relief to complete a long overdue artwork. I'm learning the lesson of procrastination and how it's a bad habit, better to make baby steps to finish something than have the nagging feeling that you've things undone.

It's a good challenge to paint Malaysian Indian children; I thought I would have problems with getting the skin tone right but it turns out gorgeous. It's a good challenge because I think the discriminatory thought that only fair skin are beautiful and desirable that is so inherent within the collective consciousness can be overturned. Dark skin is beautiful too.

I enjoyed making the tree textured and had lots of fun making the colourful background from scrapbook papers. Even though my artwork has grown more "adult" but it's still fun to come back to naive and child-like painting, my trademark girls with Big eyes to get in touch with my own childlikeness.

And let me digress ...

Natural beauties found in my garden.

Anonymous plant. Bright yellow and orange flowers blossoming and what a contrast it makes with its dark olive green leaves.



Pitcher plant. Dangerous beauty. Do you know they seduce insects with a kind of scent, lure them in and trapped them in their belly and then digest them? Sounds totally deadly isn't it?



Droplets of shimmering water after I water this carnivorous thing.

Am learning to see the world with a new pair of eyes; curious and different perspective than before. The world seems to go by in a hurry these days, and it's really an artform to be able to engage in stillness amidst the chaos. I'm feeling the joy of simplicity nowadays, simple lifestyle and simple choices. Perhaps in the simplest things lie the most profound truth.

I'm such a hopeless philosopher sometimes! ok, Back to work ...

Soulful Beauty

The 1st thing on my wishlist I've promised myself is to be present to the beauty which surrounds me. Because I'm a hopeless geek, and I cannot seemed to take a break from my healthy addiction-which are books, I've been reading ferociously, a few books at one time- and Piero Ferrucci's "Beauty and the Soul" has been a faithful companion these days.

Beauty and the Soul, a book like its name, is beautiful and soulful, and it's wonderful because it's written by a man, which debunks the myth that men cannot be sensitive to beauty that are soulful. I love his keen insight about how beauty doesn't have to be limited as an experience in art museums or luxury goods, which modern city people are accustomed to think. His book challenge his readers to see beauty in a whole new way, to open ourselves up to the beauty of each moment and be present to capture that essence.

For me, beauty is so essential to keep us alive and joyous. One of my weakness I realized is that I lived so much up on my head. Thinking thoughts of the past and future, reliving mistakes and nostalgic memories, hoping or worrying for a future that has yet to arrived. I lived so much in the space of my head that in moments where I am awakened, I think-oh no, how much beauty of the present moment have I missed because I grasped at illusions? Not good, not good.

I don't want to sleepwalk in a dream state, I wish to be awake and seize each moment. That, I felt, is being truly alive, is being an active participant with the world.

(So today, when it rained which has always been my favourite weather, I seized my camera and captured the refreshing raindrops showering my garden.)

Beauty is free, beauty can be found easily. If you but noticed.

(Behind my house, the scenery feels foreign when it rains. I'm still practising with my camera. I know I do need more practice, both with being present and with using my camera.)

I remembered there was a rare moment, after gym and I walked home. I passed a row of trees sheltering me from the sunlight. It wasn't a particularly hot day. Just nice. It was a place that I passed by daily, usually in a car. Yet maybe because I walked the experience was different. The way the sunlight was seeping through the space between the leaves caught me in a state of breathlessness, I was left so speechless by the play of light and shadows on my skin, and the beauty of that moment was so piercingly vivid that a space in my heart was forced open to receive, and I could only respond with tears.

Thinking back, I could judge myself as being silly to be so overly sentimental. But I know it's me being present, to allow myself to be vulnerable in the face of beauty. Caught unaware. To be transformed into a state of awareness.

A beautiful new born baby bird ready to take flight to experience the world. My Mom and I took such drastic measures like covering the plant with a plastic bag so the crows will not know the existence of the nest. I felt fiercely protective of birds who laid eggs and make nest in our garden. I think it's a very natural maternal instincts. As a woman, to want to nurture and protect. Even though it's not my child, and it's not even a human. But life, in whatever form it takes, is precious. Thinking back, it was funny how protective we got.

Maybe because a new life is just so beautiful in its fragility, and also on its limitless potential.

Mondo Beyondo Wish List

(Wild Wolf Woman: Untamed, brave, fearless, and possibly very powerful)

Jin and I has been talking about the miracle of magic. And how it's possible to create magic by wishing for something for our own goodness and believing absolutely that we deserve it. Jen Lemen, one of my favourite blogger who blogs here, cofounded Mondo Beyondo which is an online course about dreaming BIG and believing that dreams do come true.

So here is my Mondo Beyondo list, which is really a wish list for dreamers like myself, who more and more believe that writing down a wish and giving it a chance to come out to daylight is similar to casting a spell. I believe this is how miracle happens, at first it's just a thought, and when you do take your dream seriously yet at the same time be able to let it birth itself with the assistance of the benign unseen forces, and be unattached to the outcome- Voila, your dream grabs your hand and takes you for a ride!

So here goes my Mondo Beyondo wish list,

1.) Breathe and live consciously. Be present to life and the beauty which surrounds me.

2.) Fall in love with my self on a daily basis. Appreciate all I have.

3.) Teach art therapy to aspiring teachers so they are empowered and go on to spread the healing prowess of art to the rest of the world.

4.) Be a vegetarian for health reasons and also to reduce the burden of climate change.

5.) Rest and Play: Be silly and have fun and not take myself too seriously.

6.) Travel and teach art and therapy; preferably in Bali, Italy, Spain, Greece

7.) Swim with dolphins

8.) Scuba diving: Get certified and explore the underwater landscape and marine lives all over the world.

9.) Open my own healing/ holistic and conscious living centre and have it furnished like a Bali style resort which offers soul care and support to people who need the sacred space

10.) Open my own art gallery and support visionary/ mythical artists like myself.

11.) Go on a spiritual pilgrimage (I'm thinking India, Bali, Hawaii)

12.) Publish a few books on art/ therapy/ spirituality

13.) Fall in love with the most compatible soul mate and celebrate and explore our journey together.

14.) Leave my hair long and curl it.

15.) Lose weight and have a slender and physically strong and fit body.

16.) Learn to dance salsa, bellydance

17.) Learn a foreign language. I've Spanish/ Italian in mind.

18.) Go travelling across the globe with an art journal and document my journey with a pencil/ paintbrush

19.) Learn and master all the desserts ever existed and perhaps open my own cafe along the way

20.) Learn and master singing and perhaps be able to sing publicly and not feel overwhelmed

21.) Have my own living space which is furnished Bali style

22.) Have my own pet dog.

23.) Create and design my own oracle card deck.

24.) Learn yoga and love it.

25.) Be financially abundant and support a charity drive on a consistent basis.

Wow. I didn't know I've all these baby dreams waiting to be birth in my belly. It's nice to daydream at times and remember who I am and what I desire and what matters to me most. I've been so busy I just feel like I'm drifting aimlessly in the passage of time. What I need now it not so much in "doing" anything but more of accessing my brave heart and watch for the next sign of magic. And see what happens next.